Europe Travelling Vibes: Prague

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This summer I decided to do as much as I could to satisfy my travelling cravings, so booked an interrailing trip with my best girlies. I’d never been to Eastern Europe before, and what better way to do it than to check off 4 places in one fell swoop. We didn’t have much of a plan on our departure, all we knew was the places we were staying (not how to get there..) and the length of time we had in each country. I don’t think any of us expected to have as many ridiculous travelling adventures as we did, we thought our holiday would encompass sightseeing and sunbathing but it was so much more than that. We had all of the experiences, met all of the people and came away with all of the stories. So without further ado, the lowdown on our time in Prague, and the pretty but crazy place that it is…

So of course our day of arrival was the hottest day Prague had seen in about ten bazillion years. I love sun more than the next girl and can usually deal with a bit of heat but this took some acclimatisation. Did anyone ever tell you that backpacks are not the most useful thing for minimising back sweat? We arrived at quirky Hostel Elf in much need of cold showers, only to head into town to resume the sweaty bum and waistline routine. Our first mistake came from choosing a seat right in the centre of the Old Town square for our first Prague beer. They charged 5 times everywhere else and we were served by the moodiest woman I’ve ever encountered. To be fair I’m not very good at converting my English into English that other people understand. “Could I possibly have a lager at all?” did not go down well. “Lager you what?” All the death stares.

We had been told that a walking tour was the best way to see a city, and in hindsight I’d have to say I agree. Just try not to do it in 38 degree heat. Our fabulous Harry Potter-esque Czech guide attempted to guide us to shade wherever possible but we still managed to get seriously dehydrated. However we discovered much of Prague history, saw lots of Jewish synagogues and learnt an unexpected amount of art related facts. Gothic, Baroque, Art Nouveau, who knows? By far the most favouritest part of this tour was being shown the Astronomical Clock. It was actually a very interesting clock, but the great part about it was that on the map they had labelled it the ‘Astronomical Cock’. Most overachieving sight ever.

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My favourite day of sightseeing was when we crossed the river to walk up to the castle. Every czech word we learnt we seemed to turn into our own hilarious version. For example the ‘Prazsky Hrad’ castle became ‘Party Hard’. Who wouldn’t want to go to party hard?! The castle isn’t massively impressive as you approach it (particularly with scaffolding everywhere, they could’ve chosen another time to maintain their historical buildings, god) but once we got to the tower and climbed the most NEVERENDING steps in existence, it was magnificent. The views down to the castle and across the river over the rest of Prague were beautiful, and the top of that tower was about the only place we got a nice breeze going during our entire stay. We stood up there for a long time. Taking selfies, obvs.

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Food wasn’t high on our agenda in Prague, mainly because sun and sweat makes you hungry never. We had 1 proper meal in 4 days which was a traditional goulash with weird non-dumplings, but we still managed to experience some Czech funnel cake and smoked sausage (which I dropped on the floor causing people to slip on ketchup and men to laugh at me). So much girthy sausage. One of the reasons we loved Prague was because it was small enough that it only took a day or two to get our bearings, if you started at the old town square (where all the weird and wonderful happenings take place) you could find your way to pretty much anywhere. Except the time I found myself on the other side of the city at 3am having walked for 3 hours in flat sandals, armed with 1% battery and a map. But that story starts with a bar crawl…

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We did a fair few bar crawls over our interrailing time, but this was one of the best. Named ‘the clocktower crawl’ (cocktower?) they boasted traditional Czech bars and clubs and 2.5 hours of free sangria. Boy were they not lying. Situated in a dungeon of sorts, we drank inordinate amounts of homemade sangria which meant that by the second bar we had already forgotten our lives. True to their promise, we were taken to a standard Czech club where the music ranged from house to… house. Europeans sure love their house. As the DJ told me when I requested Rack City ‘sorry, I only play progressive house.’ Drunk as we were this didn’t faze us and we still took to dancing on the stage, because, why the hell not. It was after this that the drama and confusion ensued. Everyone got lost and whilst Grace was searching for a 24 hour bar (which she found by the way, well done Prague ten points to Gryffindor) I was wandering the city with no clue of where I was.

I bumped into a basketball team that we had watched play 3×3 earlier that day and acted like a groupie until I realised they were of the creepy man mentality. Despite my vulnerable lone no phone situation I was not raped or murdered and managed to navigate my way to the aforementioned 24 hour bar to crash Grace’s date. After that debacle you’d think that bed would be on the cards, but no. Cheap goblets of beer and 7am sambucas were the way forward, of course. As the sun came up we danced to soul music in the beer garden with random high people and loved life. Don’t worry, the adventure didn’t end there. After returning our new friend to his hostel we then walked in circles for an hour attempting to cover the 5 minute distance to our hostel. I cried because my feet had never hated me so much. It was emotional. But hey, we got back just in time for breakfast with a weird gothic man pacing up and down the terrace in a kind of trance (hippie hostel, y’know) before 9am bedtime with a backdrop of ‘Jammin’. Hostel life.

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Our second most favourite night comes in the form of our favourite Czech word, Zlaty Strom. Which of course was always pronounced Slutty Strum. At the point of informing our hostel and the world about this club, we had no idea what it was like. It was only upon entering the medieval style club that we realised they took their name quite literally. The main focal point was a cellar encircled by a bar with poles along it, accompanied by pole dancers. Of course. Why would you not expect that. Surprise though this was, we enjoyed the experience more than the next man. Having been inspired by husky Irish men who constantly talked in percentage of hornyness, we decided to employ this tactic and upon every visit to the pole cellar updated our horny percentage. 30%? 50% definitely. Don’t worry we are not lesbehonest. Aside from the objectification of women, this club also had some great 90s and noughties music to offer. Pretty much every one of our dance routines came out on that dancefloor, resulting in vodka being poured on us from balconies. That’s what you want.

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The one place I wouldn’t recommend visiting is the famous 5 floor ‘biggest club in Europe’. Our first bar crawl took us there because, obviously, were tourists, but it was not our scene at all. We like small, probably skanky, dancefloors where the bar is never too far away. This was room upon room of music and people and getting lost in swimming pool pits and ice bars. If you’re that way inclined then go for it, but you’re probably 18 as everyone else there will be. The funniest moment of the evening was when we’d left the club and were waiting for a cab. We noticed that a group of guys had got into fisticuffs but not in the usual ‘ladladlad’ way. No sooner had the fight started than one of them broke down in tears because the drama was all too much for him. His friend comforted him by saying they could go to McDonald’s to which he wailed ‘I just want a burgerrr’. English boys in Prague, wow… Our Prague time came to an end too soon but I feel we definitely made the most of the city and it’s amazing ways. Next stop, Vienna…

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One response »

  1. Pingback: Europe Travelling Vibes: Vienna | what a hullabaloo

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