The Daily Thoughts of a Commuter



If I squeeze in under that mans briefcase will I get swallowed into the endless pit of tube people and never emerge?

You, person with suitcase bigger than me, are just selfish. I don’t care if your flight is in half an hour, pick another train please.

Why is everyone running? Am I late? Is there an apocalypse? WHATS GOING ON

3 minutes until the next train?? What is this madness!

Okay seriously what is that smell. As if being in a small confined space with hundreds of strangers wasn’t unpleasant enough.

Did you not just hear the nice tube man say let people off the tube first? You are ruining everyone’s life, well done.

How do people have time to stand on the escalator. I just don’t understand.

Oh god I’m stuck behind some special person who can’t work their Oyster card. Why did I choose this gate of all gates, please sort your life out.

I’m uncomfortably aware that I’m basically stand-up-spooning someone right now.

Yeah I really wanted to put my face in your armpit. That was my primary aim when I got on this train.

Personal space PERSONAL SPACE

Why is that weirdo staring at me? Do they not realise this is London and looking at someone directly in the face is illegal?

There’s a dog on the tube. Guys, there’s a dog on the tube. How is this allowed to happen.

My new default walk speed is power. You would do well to follow my lead.

I have precisely 3 minutes and 42 seconds to make it to the other side of the station. I must take on a Regina George mentality… “Move, move, move”

“The destination of this bus has now changed” WHAAAAAAT WHY HAVE YOU DONE THIS TO ME

What are the chances I could get off this bus and overtake the traffic with only my legs? Very likely I’d say. I won’t do it though cos yknow, principle. And lazy.

WHY have you decided that this is the moment to have a PDA on the train. Surely having 17 people pressed against you makes it decidedly less special.

I also really don’t get kissing on the escalator. Dangerous much?

Oh look, the next 4 trains are all going to the wrong destination. Because that makes sense.

I love standing up for 2 hours everyday with nothing to hold on to. Face planting is becoming a much more frequent occurrence than I ever would have predicted.

Ahhh got myself a nice comfy spot here, perfect. Oh wait the doors are opening on this side now. Oh wait I’m being pushed out of the train NO STOP LET ME IN


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