How Not to Date Part 2



A little while ago I wrote up a list of dating faux-pas committed by a friend of mine over a series of dates. Much of this behaviour was not what you might call “standard dating” but was in fact rather fitting with her personality, and made for some hilarious anecdotes. Since that post, many more dating scenarios have occurred (serial dating January you might say). So we decided it might be a fun idea to combine the dating “experiences” that we have recently had into another “How Not to Date” list. I’m not going to say who committed each dating crime. I’m just going to say, they all definitely happened. Such is our life. Read, learn, and be as ridiculous as us on your next date please.

1. Upon arriving at the bar and heading to the toilet, promptly walking into the boys toilet. And then telling the date about it.

2. Leaving work and thinking it might be a good idea to apply some deodorant before the date. Buying deodorant and then realising there was nowhere appropriate to apply it. So walking down the street holding deodorant under coat, subtly applying it whilst walking. No one noticed…

3. Having two dates in a row and telling the second date that you had “drinks with friends” the night before.

4. Planning a cinema date on a Sunday afternoon; getting very very drunk on the Saturday night and attempting to catch up on sleep in the cinema.

5. Whilst talking about red bull, explaining that it’s grim because it brings back memories of the Inbetweeners episode where Will shits himself in an exam. Having him reply, “so you’re scared you might shit yourself if you drink red bull?” Awkward silence.

6. Deliberating over which mixer to have for about 10 minutes, deciding to have fanta and rum. Discovering they don’t serve fanta, asking them to concoct a fanta replacement.

7. Generally being long and clumsy. Spilling food down self; attempting to make cocktails with the shaker open resulting in alcohol everywhere.

8. Telling ridiculous life stories including but not limited to people pooing on car and sandwich OCD.

9. Calling date multiple times and leaving drunk voicemails.

10. Explaining to date that we love Uptown Funk so much we made a dancing video to it, involving 5 different versions of us doing the dance. Then showing the video to date…

…and hoping they appreciate Uptown Funk as much as we do.

So the last one was obviously both of us. Who wouldn’t want to see the beauty that is our Uptown Funk dance. Aside from that, you’ll have to take your guesses… but to be honest the majority of them definitely could have been either one of us. Ridiculous behaviour is just an everyday occurrence in our lives, so obviously on a date that’s not going to change. If they get the banter and appreciate our unique dateisms, well done good job. If they leave the date fearing for our sanity… they are probably wise. But not the one for us. Because there are plentiful boys in this world, but no replacement for loving life and being ridiculous.


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