1. This is the year. I’m going to be super healthy and eat only fruit smoothies and kale and quinoa or whatever it’s called. Wait a minute, still 3 boxes of chocolates left from Christmas?! I’ll have those, please.
2. Where is the snow?? What good is January without snow, may I ask please?
3. I should really take my Christmas decorations down… But, sofa. And all the films. There’s no such thing as bad luck though, so all is good.
4. I’m not the slightest bit jealous of these skiing photos all over facebook. And instagram. And snapchat. *Sigh*. Shoop, shoop, shoop.
5. When does it stop being acceptable to drink at all times of the day? It’s still the festive season, non?
6. Dry January is for losers. Oh, look at me throwing up everywhere and spilling falafel down myself, that’s a fabulous way to start 2015…
7. Hello there January sales, how can I not buy those boots at that price… and that coat… and those four outfits… I spent HOW much?
8. Where has all my money gone?! Still two weeks until payday… FUCK
9. I’d really love to try that new Dim Sum restaurant, but instead I must go home and make something edible out of tinned chickpeas and toast.
10. January being the most boring month ever means I’ll have loads of time to be proactive and sort my life out. Or watch all 4 series of The Good Wife on Netflix…
11. Now is the time to watch all those classic films I’ve been meaning to for ages. Re-watching chick flicks and Harry Potter is a waste of my time. Ohmygod, Bridget Jones is on TV?! Yes please.
12. Time for the January-de-clutter-and-sort-out-festering-room. I am definitely never going to wear that dress, charity shop. But what if that one occasion it would be perfect for actually happens? Back in wardrobe.
13. It would be a great idea to start a journal, write down all my life adventures and worries. It definitely won’t be as cringe as all the 10,000 other journals I’ve attempted to start.
14. I want to plan 5 different holidays this summer so I have something to look forward to in the next three months of winter depression. Oh, wait, money.
15. Since making a resolution to worry less about what people think, I’ve made a twat of myself on a number of occasions. Does that constitute a resolution well kept? I like to think so.
16. So far, I’ve been just as ridiculous this year as I was for the entirety of 2014. Fabulous.