How Not to Date in 10 Steps

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SVOD-L-How-To-Lose-A-Guy-In-10-Days1 A friend of mine recently went on a date with a chap and carried out a number of rather serious dating faux-pas. But unlike the cheesy rom-com we all love where Kate Hudson experiments with bad dating etiquette for an article, this was actually all her own behaviour. Life tells us to be ourselves when we meet new people, and yet in first-or-second-date situations it might not be the wisest idea. Dating advice should surely say, be yourself, unless yourself is ridiculous. By carrying out the following steps, said friend caused date to say to her: “you do know you’re strange, don’t you?” She knows it, we know it, in fact we love it because we ourselves are just as strange. But does it work in the land of dating to reveal it? Take a leaf out of her book and find out…

1. Having been through the traditional date layout of dinner and drinks, they found themselves in a bar where friend proceeded to spill a drink on her phone. Where a normal person might get a napkin to wipe the phone, she instead hid in a corner and licked it. She obviously didn’t manage to do this subtly because her date went up to the girl next to her and asked, “did she just lick her phone?”

2. In the same bar, she decided to initiate a dance off with a rather special man wearing an adidas 90s tracksuit and eating a packet of crisps.

3. If the first two didn’t indicate that she was drunk enough, she dared her date to drink 5 slippery nipples, and embark on a 12 pint challenge. On the topic of alcohol, she told him of how last week we had 7 jam sandwiches (meaning rum sandwiches, our shot of choice) to which he said “Seven jam sandwiches?! I prefer marmite.”

4. She tried to steal a pot of straws from the bar and hide them inside his jacket; however he obviously wasn’t quite on board with this plan and stood there looking confused so she meekly placed them back whilst the bar woman gave her a stern look.

5. She then thought it would be the best idea if she were to steal some baubles from the Christmas tree, and the only way to do this was to crawl underneath it.

6. Many stories were told that probably shouldn’t be shared on a date. Firstly the story of how she got so sweaty in a work meeting she had to wipe the sweat off her chair before leaving the room. She then proceeded to go into detail about her phobia of wafer thin ham.

7. Having pre-planned to invite date to an after party at hers the conversation went: “So… (sniff) wanna crash at mine?” Colds are sexy didn’t you know.

8. Running for the last train and dragging the date with her she then dropped and smashed her phone.

9. After party in full swing, she ended up having a friend declare his love to her whilst her date sat downstairs with her other friends who decided it was a great idea to do shots naked. He didn’t join in, surprisingly enough.

10. Against all odds he stayed on for the entirety of the next day, making the overall date a 24 hour experience.

So were the dates a success because he was just as strange as her? Or do these so-called dating faux-pas actually appeal to guys in a weird way? If the weird is going to come out at some point then surely it’s best to get it all out there from the word go, no messing about. And if it puts someone off, no dramas, they obviously aren’t worth your time. But if you can go beyond the realms of what’s seen as socially acceptable and someone still wants to hang out with you, then well done. You’ve won the dating game.

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  1. Pingback: Europe Travelling Vibes: Croatia | what a hullabaloo

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